Sacral to the Core
DAY: 43
LOCATION: Koh Phangan
Today was about Agama. The boys had been nice, but they weren’t why I was here. Or maybe they were, but as part of a larger picture, one I couldn’t currently see from my zoomed-in perspective. At any rate, I needed yogic guidance.
The first class was at 8:30am. I arrived 15 minutes early, but already a long line snaked out to the road. I’d never seen such a queue for yoga before. The rock concert of hatha!
It turned out to be the first day of the First Level Intensive Course. It lasted a month, with two classes daily, and the first day of drop-in free of charge. Glancing around at the fellow yogis, in their free-flowing linens and flower of life tattoos, I became self-conscious. I don’t belong here, with my party girl history and Nike running pants. Look! That gorgeous girl has armpit hair! I’m still stuck in the habit of shaving!
The studio was more of a banquet hall, packed with people of all shapes, sizes, and colors. Any feelings of alienation dissipated as I settled onto my hemp mat. Already I knew this was not going to be your typical Hollywood flow class.
“The next two hours will be spent introducing the theory behind hatha yoga,” a woman in all white with a Gaia radio voice informed us. “The basics are there in your packet. For some of you this will be new information, for others a review. The last ten or 15 minutes we will be doing some exercises. This afternoon we will add on to the exercises. This will be the basic structure of the first week.” Like I said – not your average yoga class.
To my surprise, it was actually a review for me, even though I’d never done hatha. Rene Guenon had prepared me remarkably well. The more the teachers explained the egg shape of the universe, the subtle energies of the body, the concept of the manifested and unmanifested, the more energized I became. Their words were like logs on a fire, my inner engine once again burning. My butt may have fallen asleep, but my mind ignited.
After two hours of lecture, the exercises began. Simple movements, like moving one’s head side to side or back and forth vigorously, for a couple minutes at a time. Somehow more challenging that it sounds.
“That’ll do,” the teacher said after each round. “Note the subtle vibrations around your neck, your shoulders.”
We finished and the teachers advised us not to eat or drink for a couple hours before and after the hatha movements. Sage advice I’m sure, but it was now 11:30 and I was starving. I headed straight to their café, Soma, and ordered a juice and salad. It was no Vikasa, but it was raw and vegan and satisfying enough.
“You want the rest of this?” a wonderfully flamboyant guy perched on a table above me held up his salad. “It sucks.”
“Sure, why not?” I replied, not wanting to waste fresh veg. He came and sat across from me.
“Omigod, I was going to do the month here, but no way. This is so not my vibe. Do I look okay? I’m meeting this older biker dude here that I matched with on Tinder. I am soooo hung over. I ended up not finding a hotel last night, so I just got wasted and then spent the night in some Thai guy’s clothing store. Literally slept on a floor. But I was grateful.”
I laughed. “You look great. Especially for sleeping on a floor.” It reminded me of the Brit girls on Samui – I enjoyed hearing their stories, but boy was I happy to no longer be living them.
I had a few hours to kill before the afternoon class, so I walked back to my hotel. Avi texted me that he’d moved to Loyfa Natural Resort next to Orion, and would I like to join for a waterfall hike. I couldn’t resist.
Except we didn’t go for a hike. There wasn’t enough time if I wanted to make the 4pm class, and I wanted to make it. Instead, we grabbed coffee at Cookies Café, packed with Westerners looking for a latte, and gelato next door at Lekshop Organic.
“You have to come see the pool at the new place, it’s stunning,” Avi said.
It was, like everything else on Sri Thanu. His bungalow looked right out over it. As he changed in the bathroom, I laid out on the bed, nervously staring at the high ceiling. I liked Avi a lot, but I did not want to sleep with him. Would I have to tell him that? And if so, how could I do it without getting cold and defensive?
He climbed onto the bed and grabbed me close to him. “Oh, those perfect lips…” he kissed me. It felt different than yesterday. Maybe I felt on guard being on the bed, or maybe the novelty had just worn off. Or maybe it was Agama, the vibrations calling my energy elsewhere…
“I should probably get going,” I told him. “But I’ve loved meeting you. If you’re ever in LA let me know, and I’ll text you next time I’m in New York.”
Back at Agama, the logs continued roaring. The afternoon lesson covered the chakras, taught by a yogi that looked eerily like Oscar Isaac in Ex Machina. I found him oddly alluring, drawn in by his mental functioning.
“Around 85% of humanity is currently stuck at Swadhistana,” Yogi Isaac instructed. “Also called the sacral chakra, or the second chakra, it deals with sexuality, creativity, base desires, and self esteem.”
Clearly I’m stuck there, I thought, wondering if he had a girlfriend or had taken some vow of chastity. Even if I’d been activating the higher chakras over the past year, it hadn’t freed me from my intense need for security at the root, and romantic love at the sacral.
Class ended and the students dispersed. I would’ve liked to chat with some of them, but everyone floated off in their own worlds, integrating the vibrations. This time I decided to forego food and drink and opted for a massage. Fritz had recommended a place around the corner, with “orange on the outside.” I found a place that matched his detailed description.
“We have one opening tonight in 20 minutes. You cool to wait?” the long-haired OG hippie owner dude asked. I nodded.
No exaggeration, it may have been the best massage I’ve ever had. It toed that razor-thin line between intense muscle releasing and actual physical abuse, the hurt-so-good-I-can-almost-understand-BDSM-but-not-quite-because-whips-and-chains-terrify-me type of experience.
“Would you like some tea?” the owner offered after the borderline beating concluded.
“Mmmmm,” I managed, still unable to form syllables.
He led me into the back where three other women chatted quietly over hot beverages. When I regained motor function, I joined them in their conversation. I’m not even sure how it happened, but pretty soon the pretty German and I were in a world of our own, tripping out on George Webb and Mooji.
“Oh yeah, I did the whole thing. Sucked into dark side of music industry in my teens, had to escape so I went to India at 17. Stayed for 12 years. Goa, Rishikesh, gurus, all of it. Vegan 16 years, mostly raw, lost so much weight I almost died. Down to 85 pounds, got hospitalized. Now I eat meat when my body tells me I need it, don’t feel bad when I kill a mosquito, just helping it in its evolution. I’m back in Berlin, working in advertising, trying to figure out how to help in the transition to the next phase of humanity. Weird to be back on the inside, but running up the mountain wasn’t the answer either.”
I stared at Addie as if she were an apparition. “Your life sounds… like what I wish I’d done. I can’t believe you were in India that long, I’m so jealous!”
“Don’t be. Trust me, you don’t need to do what I did to be on the path. I went to so many extremes, I had to learn balance. Anyway, you already know so much!”
“Ha, yeah, I guess, doesn’t feel like it! Feels like I’m just opening the door, but at the same time, I didn’t even know the door existed before, so I guess that’s a big step.” I wanted her to be my mentor.
“Just don’t let men distract you. We’ve got too much to do,” Addie instructed. How did she know that was my main problem? Maybe she was clairvoyant.
“Yeah, I met this tantric guy the other night, it’s been tripping me up a bit,” I confessed. “He’s the one who told me about this place, maybe it was all so I could meet you!”
She smiled. “We never quite know what our guides have in store. Just keep on listening. You’re doing great.”
I checked my phone. We’d been talking for two hours. “I should probably go grab something to eat before everything closes,” I said. “But can I add you on Facebook? I still have so many things I want to ask you. Especially about India.”
“Yes, of course. You’ll have an amazing time there. And who knows, maybe we’ll meet up in Europe this summer,” she smiled.
“Maybe,” I gave her a hug. “Hopefully!”
