Flying Solo, Again
Day: Zero
Location: Los Angeles
I really thought New York James was the one. Yes, I know I’ve said this sort of thing before, with Justin, and Aaron, and Paul, and Old James. But this time was different. This time, we’d actually grown together. A lot.
We went from being heavy drinkers to teetotalers. From living in New York to living in LA. From meat n’ cheese loving omnivores to full on ethical vegans. Exercise freaks to balanced yogis. Codependent love addicts to codependent love addicts aware of their codependent love addiction. In just one year, we’d made more major changes than a millennial college student.
But not everything was in sync. For instance, I stopped drinking for health reasons, and then realized I had an unhealthy relationship to alcohol. James stopped drinking after he came home wasted and aggressive one night and I told him I couldn’t keep seeing him if he kept drinking. Not quite the same thing.*
Another example: my vegan awakening occurred in April of last year, and led me down so many rabbit holes even Alex Jones would be impressed. From industrial agriculture to MKUltra to Hindu cosmology and sacred geometry, I was tripping out on a whole new reality, swallowing red pills left and right. James, on the other hand, went vegan in June for the perfectly wonderful reason that it made him feel better. It did not, however, make him suddenly question evolution and who shot JFK. As close as our individual journeys appeared to be lining up, they were also diverging.
“If I met you right now, I would not date you,” he told me bitterly over a campfire in Yosemite. “I do not want to be with an activist, a conspiracy theorist, or an anarchist!!”
Well, that was going to be a problem. Not that I’m any of those things – I prefer to think of myself as an advocate, a conspiracy realist, and a free-thinking pacifist – but if he was only with me because we’d been going at it for a year and some change, that was a terrible reason. He clearly didn’t like the new me, the Amy whose mind had been blown open from months of eating plants and digging through Internet worm holes, so why would I want to be in a relationship with someone who didn’t like me?
Because I still thought I could get him on to my side. If only he reads “The World Peace Diet” and “The Crisis of the Modern World”, if only he watches “Cowspiracy”, I kept telling myself. But as he made painfully clear, he would “never read those books or watch those movies,” because they weren’t for him.
And so we broke up after a screaming fight over the history of the ancient world. Actually, it was me talking excitedly about how we’ve been deceived into thinking that civilization didn’t really start until Hellenistic Greece, and James yelling at me that I was wasting my time and that I wasn’t “his people.” This was exactly as ridiculous as it sounds.**
Anyway, I was definitely heartbroken and cried a few rivers for a couple days, but it also wasn’t unexpected, and thus it was time to move on. There are only so many times a girl can be broken up with by the same guy before she’s ready to book a crazy solo trip for six and a half weeks to Australia and Southeast Asia.
Say what?! Yup. You heard. Two weeks after the break up, I spontaneously booked a flight into Melbourne and out of Bangkok. Why? A few reasons:
- My friend Tim was spending New Year’s in Oz. You might remember him from 40 Dates, the cooler than cool guy. He lives in London, so I don’t get to see him very often.
- I’d wanted to go Down Under for years, and in light of some fairly depressing research I’d been conducting into the possibility of near-term human extinction, it seemed like now or never. Literally.***
- My mom’s friend had recently raved about Byron Bay as a sort of hippie paradise and bemoaned a super intense silent meditation retreat in Thailand. Since I’ve been strongly considering a dramatic lifestyle change, like communal living or even an ashram (nothing’s off limits in these Interesting Times), a location scout to both of these places seemed like a sensible thing to do.
- The only other time I’d traveled alone was in Istanbul for five days, and it was unbelievable. I was itching to fly solo again.
- It seemed healthier than going on another dating binge (see: 40 Dates & 40 Nights).
So there you have it. That’s the back story. Another breakup, another adventure, another blog. But this time, there are no rules. Only a passport, a couple of bags, and an open mind.
*Also, not quite fair. I mean, I have the right to define my boundaries, but he also shouldn’t have to face ultimatums. Not a fun paradox.
** Although the anger he directed at me was unacceptable, I do want to note that I was intensely in it. When you’re waking up to the insanity of this civilization, from our unforgivable treatment of animals to our denial of anything beyond the material realm, it can be incredibly hard to connect with loved ones if they are not on your page. You’ve been warned.
*** For the Granddaddy of NTE, check out Guy McPherson. I’m not saying I agree with all of it, or even any of it, but it’s interesting material to chew on. Other recommended reading if you’re interested in collapse: Tainter’s Collapse of Complex Societies, Jared Diamond’s Collapse, Derrick Jensen’s work, Carolyn Baker, Joanna Macy, and Deb Ozarko for a bit of uplift, xraymike79, Paul Beckwith, Arctic News. The list goes on, but I’ll leave it at that for now.