Captain, We Have Lift Off

DAY: One
LOCATION: Los Angeles, Taiwan

I couldn’t sleep. It was T-12 hours to take off, and my mind was racing. It probably didn’t help that James was sleeping next to me. Or maybe it did. Who wants to spend Christmas night alone, right? And what are exes good for, if not airport runs and someone to look after your cat?

Only kidding. In spite of the “Day of Our Lives” worthy blow-out in September, James and I had started back up again. Damn birthday and soul connection. This time, though, we were taking it slow. We’d waited almost an entire month before having sex, no small feat when you’re at the baby-making age of 31. At any rate, we’d both agreed to postpone any sort of relationship status / future planning until I got back from my trip.

My trip. I’d been on a booking frenzy the last couple of weeks, and nailed down the course - Australia, Singapore, Vietnam, Laos, Thailand.* By myself. What in God’s name was I doing?

I must have asked myself this a hundred times over the previous few days. To be fair, it’s probably a question most of us could stand to ponder a little more often. There are a lot of parts to it. Like, who is “God”? Who is this “I”? What qualifies as “doing”? In this case, I’d recently discovered Hinduism and the Enneagram, so “God” was Brahma and “I” was a One Type Personality. And the “doing”? Well, embarking on a spiritual journey, of course.

But first, sleep. I finally got a bit of shut eye, but still woke up a frazzled mess. It doesn’t matter how many times I quintuple check my belongings, I always forget something. Today it was a universal adapter. Poetic.

“We’ve got plenty of time, we’ll just pick one up on the way,” James reassured me. “No sweat.”

Except we sweated. At our first destination, the Ross on 3rd St., James almost crashed into another car while turning into the chaotic parking lot. Hello wet armpits! The store itself was an absolute circus – merchandise everywhere, throngs of bewildered shoppers, crying babies. The travel section was in disarray, with no adapters to be found anywhere.

Ross Round Two on La Cienaga faired no better, the adapter shelf picked clean. They must’ve been hot on Santa’s list this year. Makes sense, considering the affordability of international flights recently.** Finally we struck electricity at Target, and got on our way to LAX with a cool two hours before the flight time.

But the sweat didn’t stop there, oh no. Not in the city that was just declared to have the worst traffic in the world by USA Today. I’m pretty sure LAX is responsible for at least half of this assessment. If you’ve had the pleasure of flying in or out of this aviation hub in the last couple of years, you know what I’m talking about. Forget the carpocalypse on the 405, it’s at the departures ramp of LAX.

In spite of the 30 minutes it took to advance 200 meters, I still made it to the check-in on time. Sure, there was another 30 minute line at the security stop and frisk, but this provided plenty of time for me to call my banks and internet provider.

“You’re just now calling about your credit cards?” The cute Asian guy in front of me teased.

“Yeah, I’m pretty terrible with anything involving bureaucracy,” I laughed. “And I will say, while I think banks are scum and fiat currency a monster, if I’m gonna be trapped in the system, this new credit card I just got from Chase is the jam!” I offered it out to him.

“Oh yeah! I have it too, Priority Pass, free lounges, we should check it out together!”

By the time we’d had our internal organs examined and finished retying our shoes, we had about 10 minutes to chill in the lounge. Just enough time for a conversation on the state of America and the institution of marriage (he was attending a wedding in Taiwan, where I would be having my layover.) Any nerves I had about traveling alone immediately evaporated. After all, this is what it’s all about – meeting new people! We downed our club sodas and headed for the gate.

Unfortunately, we were in different sections of the plane, but it didn’t take long for me to make another new friend – a 21 year-old UCSD student and aspiring screenwriter named Jennifer. She was in the aisle, I was next to the window, and the guy in between offered to switch seats to let us chat. We should’ve taken him up on his offer, but I don’t think either of us anticipated several hours of discussion on veganism, predictive programming, and 9/11.

You may be wondering - how did these topics come up with a complete stranger? Well, she and her boyfriend had been eating vegetarian for a couple of months, but her dad had booked her ticket and forgotten to request a special meal. I had brought Thai leftovers just in case (a vegan must always be prepared), and so I gave her my meal. Sharing (and not eating animal products) is caring.

And the conspiracy theories? Well, let’s just say watching Jason Bourne paved the way for some fun MK Ultra talk.*** Throw in the fact her father always questioned the official 9/11 narrative, and you’ve got one helluva an interesting 14-hour plane ride.

We exchanged hugs and phone numbers at the terminal, and I told her to call me if she ever needed anything in La La Land. I smiled as I made my way to my next gate, simultaneously exhausted and exhilarated. If just the transit had been this fun, I could only imagine what the destination had in store!

*And then possibly Germany for the Berlin Film Festival. I’d started freelancing for a producer, David, and he’d asked me to come, so I’d packed a winter bag and dropped it off to him before Christmas. Whether or not this would actually happen I had no idea. I’d believe it when I got the flight confirmation.

** Economically, if not environmentally. This is in part due to the budget airlines driving major carriers to follow their lead on no-frills travel. Low gas prices also play a role. And I’m thinking Australia flights may have dropped because the Great Barrier Reef has been declared dead. (Doomer Humor – how else can we deal with the pain?)

*** You may be familiar with MK Ultra thanks to Stranger Things, the Netflix gem steeped in symbolism. Also known as Mind Kontrolle, it was a project the CIA brought over from Nazi scientists in Operation Paperclip. Basically, they ran experiments on humans trying to create programmed slaves. The basic idea? Torture and manipulate the subject until they split into different selves, then program these alter egos to nefarious ends, like super soldiers. If this reminds you of The Manchurian Candidate or Britney Spears music videos, you’re exactly right. For a controversial read on the process, check out Fritz Springmeier and Cisco Wheeler’s The Illuminati Formula to Create an Undetected Total Mind-Controlled Slave.